Sports on Drugs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vUhSYLRw14

Why didn't we think of this? If the plan is to be plastered all the time anyway, who cares how good you are at sports sober? All that matters is how you can perform in the "real world." Because beer pong shouldn't be the only activity that measures one's motor skills while under the influence of dangerous toxins to the mind, here are some suggestions:

-Drunken Marathon. "You want drinking stations? We got drinking stations for ya." Run a mile, chug a beer. Simple.
-Chess Pong. You play with pint glasses with p's and q's and whatnot scribbled on them. When a peice of yours get taken, you drink. Or maybe if you want to take a peice you drink. There are possiblities here. Check and checkmate should proabably include drugs as well.
- Weed should be combined with combat sports. Stick two MMA guys in a giant bong and see if they can kill each other before they become a Judd Apatow movie. Either way, a crowd pleaser.
-Nascar loves a good sponser. And we already know how well drinking and driving go together.
-Cocaine......nevermind. Maybe sports isn't for millionaires.
-There is absolutely no reason figure skaters need to have self-awareness. Shroom em up and you might even get something watchable.
-Dementia football, no drugs required. Just get some retired NFL players, yell hike, and let them loose in a mall or church or against a real NFL team.